Tonight's episode of The Bachelor got steamy, thawing the ice from last night's chillzone. The small number of Bachelorettes left was highlighted as the next round of single dates rolled around.
This means Viarni was taken out, and boy was she forced to build up a sweat. First she was made to run on the most awkward 10m jog that has ever existed, before Zac forced her to row him around a lake in circles, recreating that scene from The Notebook. Except oddly, Viarni was playing Ryan Gosling.
But all that work paid off when she was treated to a sensual massage by Zac, wearing a robe I can only assume was bought from Cotton On Body because I have the same one. The Bachelor almost got an R-rating, with many leisurely close-up shots of Viarni's glistening naked body.
If the massage wasn't so terrible, it would verged on one of those 'happy ending' porn videos that I most definitely have never watched.
Zac said it was "nice to connect with her on a slightly different level". Yeah, we're seeing that, Zac.
The heat was turned up even further on the group date, which saw the shock elimination of one of the Bachelorettes. When Bel, Claudia and Zac arrived, Dom announced that while one of the girls would be spending the day with Zac, the other would be going home. It was a shock to everyone, as Zac struggled to decide which blonde, back-tattooed, denim-shorted beauty to wave goodbye to.
He eventually told cat-obsessed Bel that their "time was up", before she climbed into a boat and was sailed off like an elderly Inuit who could no longer hunt or gather.
This will be of the greatest joy to my mother, who sent me this text this afternoon to say she thought Bel was done and dusted.
That was the first text Mama Debs has sent me about my reviews in which she didn't critique my grammar. Also, kia kaha in the cold Christchurch.
Bel wasn't the only blonde to head home tonight. Vanessa was sent packing at the rose ceremony, leaving Sarah as the last intruder standing.
Having two girls leave in one episode means the fight for Zac's attention is hotter than ever with only FIVE GIRLS LEFT. This means it's not long until Zac will have to choose the girl he wants to spend the rest of his life with, and more importantly, I'll have to find where I put the money for our newsroom Bach sweepstake.
Will Lily and Zac and have a conversation that doesn't involve reading off body parts? Will Zac and Dom ever shop in different places? Will Claudia dye her regrowth (Mama Debs is praying she does)?
Tune in next week at 7 to find out.
Newshub.
Watch the episode again on Three Now.
