Tonight's Labour Day edition of Married At First Sight NZ was certainly a Labour edition - the way I see it, it must be the curse of Prime Minister-elect Jacinda Ardern that has led to the downfall of these couples.
First our rugby team, now our MAFS NZ couples - is there a symbol of our New Zealand's culture she hasn't impacted?
Amirite young Nats? (nb: that was heavy sarcasm. Scathing emails are really not necessary.)
It was another episode of two halves, beginning with the remaining couples in therapy.
We started off with a bit of a bombshell - Luke and Lacey are out. Kiboshed. Done and dusted. Seven days later.
I've had mysterious bruises that have lasted a lot longer than that marriage, and been almost as unsightly. But when you know, you know, I guess - and I think we all know that these two have absolutely no future together.
Bel and Hadyn, the most dramatic on-again-off-again paring on our screens since that whole Ross and Rachel thing, came to their therapy separately to discuss these mysterious messages between Vicky and Hadyn. Everyone is getting so bogged down in the nitty gritty of who messaged whom first, while I'm just focused on Bel referring to Vicky as "one of the other wives". It feels very Gloriavale.
Honestly, the whole thing is just turning into a bit of a downer. All of these people just hating each other and hating the whole experience: it's no longer that funny. It's just sad.
Luckily, we have the relief of Brett and Angel. She makes up for the otherwise bitter tension by just laughing hysterically at everything he says.
Even a simple "I'll open the door for ya" gave way to full blown, on-the-ground laugh. With tears. It's like watching the most over-the-top of Jimmy Fallon interviews.
Nobody loves Angel's analogies more than Angel herself. Every time she comes out with a gem like, "we already have a foundation, now we can make a skyscraper", she's so surprised at her own genius she needs a moment to collect herself.
The couples have all (except for Bel and Hadyn) moved into their new boujee apartments in the central city, with sun soaked lounges and epic views for days. Everyone who's been sitting at home all "ugh no I would never go on this show" will be changing their tune pretty quickly when they see the accom. Very nice.
Also great are Andrew and Vicky's outfits, which continue to astound and inspire me. You really don't have to wait for this year's Christmas party to dress like your favourite '90s artists, guys.
Honestly, if I could pull off a crop top like this, the newsroom would be seeing a lotta belly all the time.
Not so fresh was the vibe in Ben and Aaron's apartment. If there's one thing that's not a fantastic sign when moving in to your martial apartment with your new husband it's the two words: "my room".
But otherwise, we got to see the fun side of Ben for once, as he unpacked his plethora of toiletries. Such gems as "People with dry skin have dry lives" made for a few much-needed giggles.
He also has plans to makeover his most unattractive of husbands, as "he was looking pretty Christchurch when he arrived".
Hey, it's a real thing. Those of us from the Chur have to suffer through a difficult transition, but we come off the other side better off.
Vicky's birthday brought some excitement to their otherwise pretty boring lives. She couldn't hold back her blistering enthusiasm for the Sky Screamer, raving that she "liked things like that!".
Honestly, if there was one thing that was grounds for divorce this entire season - including being called unattractive and passing out wasted on my wedding night - it would be that.
But Vicky was unfazed, chilling in the terrifying cage of death like she was on a holiday in Raro. As Andrew screamed like a tiny child, the natural reaction when you're hurtled into the air, she could have been at the spa getting her nails done. It was one of the eeriest things I've seen on telelvision.
In a date much more up my alley, Brett and Angel were off having an absolute banger of a picnic, ripping into a couple of fresh to death sandwiches. We're talking Lisa's spread, sundried tomatoes - it looked bloody lovely. They even did their weekly shop at New World! What is this middle class domestic bliss?
Then there was a whole lot more drama as Bel and Hadyn reunited, then got upset again, then called Andrew to say dump Vicky, then Vicky cried a bit... it was all very confusing.
I don't know who's right and who's wrong at this point. But what I do know is, whenever anything goes wrong in my life, I want Tony to come in in his sick grippy formal shoes and calmly talk through how he can support me. How rich do you have to be to have a full time Tony?
Married At First Sight NZ airs Sunday and Monday nights on Three. Watch the full episode again on ThreeNow.
Newshub.
