Dancing With The Stars NZ kicked off with a bang on Three last night, and if my Instagram story feed was anything to go by, hungover eyes around the country turned in to watch New Zealand's most famous and contractually available faces battle it out in heels and sequins.
The show was an hour-and-a-half, which is a long time to watch people talk about how "it's harder than it looks" etc etc, so I picked my three top - and one cringiest - moments from the show.
Cringe
The episode kicked off with the worst moment, which meant it got it out of the way nice and early I guess. The welcome intro dance was similar to the moment at a school disco where everyone is running into a dance circle without planning which move they're going to do. Highlights included ex-Bachelorette Nazanin 'Naz' Khanjani carefully picking her way down the stairs and ex-Bachelor Zac Franich's half-ass shimmy and enthusiastic point at the camera. It had me covering my eyes and saying "oh god oh god" in a half-scared, half-smugly superior way.
Right now we've gotten that bitchiness out of the way; here are my three top contenders.
Robert Rakete - Samba to 'Shape Of You'
The Breeze morning host and Brown Wiggle is easily one of the most charismatic and confident contestants, with the musical prowess and hip swivels to carry it off. He wore a denim vest with sequined accents, a clear sign he's not here to play games. Despite the slightly uncomfortable-to-watch sex face fixed to his beautiful mug, his performance was simple and fun, and deserving of more than the score it got. Fingers crossed for 'Hot Potato' on his next performance.
Judges' scores:
Rachel White 5
Camilla Sacre-Dallerup 6
Julz Tocker 6
Total 17
Jess Quinn - Rumba to 'Faded'
I'm ashamed to say that before this competition started I didn't know much about Jess Quinn, which is a shame because now I'm in love with her. Funny how things can turn around in 90 minutes. She's in this dancing on one leg and her blade, suffering an amputation after developing bone cancer as a child.
Quinn said a lot of motivational-but-not-annoying things like, "I'm me to the knee, just not the me that I was born with," and other things that made me feel like a bit of dick for the 10000 complaints I make about my own, non-amputee body on the daily.
Her performance was a mix of sexy 'come to bed' eyes and straight-up giggling, as she couldn't hide that she was genuinely stoked to be there. Even on her blade she danced with the same confidence on as I do in Revelry on a Saturday night. Just like, a whole lot better.
Judges' scores:
Rachel White 7
Camilla Sacre-Dallerup 8
Julz Tocker 8
Total 23
Marama Fox - Jive to 'Xs And Os'
For the second time this year the former Māori Party leader was ROBBED and the whole country agrees. Despite the stomach-dropping moment everyone realised they were performing a jive, Fox did it with enthusiasm and cheekiness, and once again was the aunt everyone wants on the dance floor at the family wedding.
Turns out the politician can kick her leg higher than I would be able to do with five people lifting it up for me, and she just basically bossed the whole thing. Which is appropriate, given her denim cap with BOSS picked out in sequined studs. That cap might go missing from the dance studio at some point this week and I would like to state here and now I will have absolutely nothing to do with it.
Highlights included her saying,"I trash talk everyone but I don't actually mean any of it," which I think we can all relate to, especially if your job is to recap reality television shows. She got a mere 17, which we can all agree is ridiculous, when she really deserves to run the country or something.
Judges' scores:
Rachel White 5
Camilla Sacre-Dallerup 6
Julz Tocker 6
Total 17
Special mention - I didn't want to put her into the initial top three in case I got accused of 'bias' or some bullshit, but come on. Newshub presenter Sam Hayes was up there as one of the best of the night. She says she'll be stoked if they get through the first couple of weeks, but we might just have had our first glimpse at the winner of this thing. Vote for Sam by texting SAM to 3333.
No bias though.
The next episode of DWTS NZ will air 7:30pm, Monday on Three. Watch the full episode again on ThreeNow.
Newshub.
