As the news event of the year approaches and the nation buckles down in preparation, Newshub has taken it upon itself to ask the hard questions.
Well, the hard question - in the upcoming Bachelor NZ season finale, is Lily McManus or Viarni Bright the better choice for Zac Franich?
Using seven highly scientifically criteria, Newshub's The Bachelor NZ experts Verity Johnson and Sarah 'Sez' Templeton evaluate Zac's future love muffin.
HUMOUR
Verity: I think this is fairly obvious. Lily's whole show reel has been an audition for Saturday Night Live. Can someone please sign her up for the election coverage to prevent national boredom induced comas? Sorry Viarni, I don't remember a single entertaining comment... oh wait... oh nah sorry. Your teeth are great though.
Sez: I think I've made my allegiance clear this whole time. Team Lily. For everything.
EXCITEMENT
Verity: Lily wins again here - she is far more exciting. For one, you never know what outfit she'll turn up in for a date. Flares and a sweater? Tick. Pleated skirt and flouro tradie top? Tick. Unicorn onesie? Double double tick. And for a second thought, Lily would just be an unpredictable girlfriend, unpredictable in a good way though - like the 'might bring a keg of goon to your grandma's 80th party' type of unpredictable. Viarni's nice...but vanilla.
Sez: Lily.
LONG TERM VIABILITY
Verity: Viarni for sure. You can tell she'd be the loving, committed type. Lily might just wake up one day and decide she wants to farm crocodiles in Peru. Viarni is the kind of woman you'd want to settle down and have a family with. And boy would their family be genetically stunning.
Sez: I concede this would be Viarni. But still #GoTeamLily.
FAMILY
Verity: I would be on the fence here, both Viarni's dad Glenn and Lily's mum Belinda really impressed me with their balls-out approach to grilling Zac. I think I'll go with Viarni having the better family. Lily's mum was tough, but a little bit too nice to a man who was publically three-timing her daughter. Viarni's dad had no preamble; he dived straight into Zac's emotional depths - which are admittedly somewhat shallow.
Sez: Lily.
MONEYMAKING ABILITY
Verity: Viarni again. Just think about it in terms of being a brand ambassador - everyone would want her to endorse products because she's pretty and reliable. Lily may just turn up to a PR event, drink all the free alcohol and vomit in the ice sculpture. Which would be entertaining, but not totally on-brand.
Sez: See my previous comment.
LOOKS
Verity: This is a hard one. I feel slightly unqualified to be judging this, given I'm currently stuffing my face with Tim Tams and wearing a baggy man's shirt, so I'm not the epitome of attractiveness. But, in the spirit of baseless objectification, Viarni.
Sez: Did you see my previous comment?
ABILITY TO BE NEXT ART AND MATILDA
Verity: Viarni. Lily is too wild to be a poster child for (insert whatever new health food they're flogging in Ponsonby Countdown). Viarni will be the ultimate other half of the power couple, and will go on to sell many a box of Tim Tams. The two of them together will be the next celebrity 'It' couple. Art and Matilda might have to look out.
Sez: I don't know why I'm here if you're not listening to me.
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The 2017 season finale of The Bachelor NZ screens on Three, Sunday night at 7pm.
Newshub.
