Monday's episode of Married At First Sight kicked off the morning after a dinner party where the newlyweds were forced to ask each other horrendously personal questions while their peers watched on in silent judgement.
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I can only presume everyone then went home and drank heavily to quiet the little voice in their head going: "Hey, remember when you applied for that reality show? Good one!"
At least, that's what the contents of Gareth and Ottie's recycling bin would indicate, not that it stopped Tayler running around waking everyone up like an excitable kid on Christmas morning.
Why Tayler is in such a good mood is a little hard to fathom.
Sam's constantly triggered by his husband's very existence, Gareth and Ottie are in separate beds, even Frase The Fist Pump King is down in the dumps.
Still, there's the second commitment ceremony to look forward to, which is sure to be a rollicking good time!
Ahead of the happy occasion, Ksenia tells Wayne to be more self-secure, the perfect addition to her other observations about her husband: man-boobs, fricken' boring chat and a bad taste in dress shirts.
"That's inspirational, Dr Phil, I will take all of that on board," Wayne responds, like the everyday hero he is.
Over at Julia and David's place, things are so tense the crew has been forced to hire someone to dramatically blow out the candles in the foreground of the shot in order to illustrate the despair.
The couples are then separated into groups to "discuss their final thoughts", which actually just means getting back on the booze and bonding over how little action everyone is getting.
While Julia dries her tears over her lack of spark with David, the boys discuss drying their sweaty armpits with a hairdryer. It's truly moving to see everyone tackling the big issues.
Luckily, Ottie's here to provide some insight into being married to a person you "wouldn't even say bye to" if you met them at a bar.
"It's like buying a Big Mac and it having no sauce," she explains, cutting right to the core of anyone who's ever experienced the crushing disappointment of a botched Macca's order.
With that traumatising image in mind, and unable to resolve their differences around having kids, it's no surprise that Gareth and Ottie are leaving the experiment.
Gareth wanted to stay, but he also got "Asian goodness" tattooed on his leg the other day, which speaks volumes about his decision-making skills.
Also calling it quits are Wayne and Ksenia, who both have an air of maniacal joy about them that could rival an escaped prisoner.
Even expert Tony has to admit they've made the right call.
The remaining couples all decide to stay, which seems like a very poor choice for everyone except Dan and Yuki, who continue to be the most wholesome thing on New Zealand television since the Tux Wonder Dog challenge.
It's not all bad though - the newlyweds are rewarded with the chance to go on a final 'commitment date', which sounds like a barrel of laughs.
Fraser and Monique are sent to Rainbow's End, a place that's pretty depressing even without having to hash out the details of a failing marriage. On the plus side, it works well for rollercoaster puns about the "ups and downs" of a relationship, which the producers take full advantage of.
"Don't touch me while I'm driving!" Monique barks as the pair squabble over directions on the way to NZ's premiere fun-filled experience. Fraser tries to share his feelings, but keeps getting interrupted by the Google Maps lady.
I'm aware this doesn't look good, but it might actually be the most realistic depiction of a long-term relationship so far.
Shockingly, the Log Flume isn't a great spot to conduct a deep and meaningful, but Mon and Frase persevere.
They even manage to keep the painful chat going through that bit with the dark cave filled with scary singing elves, which if nothing else, shows great courage.
Still, it's no use. Monique's not feeling it. Things are so bad, Fraser's dropping F bombs.
"I definitely came here to try and find love, and the difficulty for me at the moment is that I don't see that happening - that's really f**cking tough," he says.
I'd like to talk about how devastating it was to watch Frase burst into tears after the date, but I've only just stopped crying, and my mum says I don't know these people and should practise some emotional distance.
All I'll say, is that boy deserves a big hug, a very weak cup of tea and a long game of Settlers of Catan or something to take his mind off this heartbreak.
Maybe we all do.
Married At First Sight NZ airs on Sundays at 7pm, and Mondays and Tuesdays at 7.30pm on Three. Previous episodes can be viewed on ThreeNow.
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