Much like the process of getting an ill-advised tattoo, the latest episode of Married At First Sight NZ involved some wincing, a little peer pressure and a lot of deep breathing.
Ksenia managed to pause her persistent laughter long enough to say "I do" to Wayne, only to lapse into hysterics once more on getting a glimpse of his choice in ink.
Meanwhile two more singles brought their respective body art to the altar, and all we could do was sit back, relax and hope that it would only sting a little.
Wayne and Ksenia
When we return to the wedding, Wayne has just recovered from seeing his Russian bride Ksenia for the first time, having successfully retrieved his jaw from the ground.
The day continues in a fashion that feels a bit like a small child's best guess at what a wedding involves; from Wayne's "happy dance" at the altar, to the circle of guests chanting "kiss, kiss, kiss!"
It's fitting then, that while taking their wedding photos, Wayne and Ksenia observe the school disco rule of keeping at least one meter between them at all times.
The celebrant did warn that this new romance might bring with it some cultural challenges, but no one was expecting those challenges to include thinly veiled death threats.
"Russian women are very dangerous," Ksenia tells Wayne as they drive away from the ceremony, presumably with the doors kiddy-locked shut.
"You should be sleeping with one eye open," she laughs, prompting Wayne to nervously titter: "That’s so creepy."
On arriving back to their hotel, Wayne attempts to lighten the mood by showing off his dope pizza socks.
Not interested in novelty hosiery, Ksenia instead deals a savage burn about her new hubby's owl tattoo, or "stupid thing on his foot" or "bird with bones in it".
Righto - time to hit the showers then, Wayne announces.
"You smell!" Ksenia replies, before giggling herself into what will likely be a deep, peaceful slumber, leaving her apparently stinky husband alone, on the couch, with one eye open.
Does Wayne really have a sheep tattoo? Will anybody for the love of God drink that beautifully chilled bottle of champagne, left ignored on the table?
These questions will have to wait.
Ottie and Gareth
Ottie does burnouts in Mitsubishi with the license plate 'S1K', has an artfully placed lotus tattoo and gets a gosh darn round of applause from her mates when she meets them at a bar (note to self: get new mates).
"She's frickin' crazy!" a friend says of the 32-year-old promo manager.
"Ottie is insane!" exclaims another.
Even always level-headed relationship counsellor Tony concedes that she's "quite out there".
Surely the experts will have their work cut out to conjure up a worthy match for this wacky gal.
Enter Gareth: the spitting image of 'out there'.
He's an apprentice barber with skull tats, who "uses his body as a canvas", and enjoys a few beers at a place called BARgaritas.
Jack. Pot.
On the morning of the big day, things are so tense at Gareth's place that even one of his groomsmen needs to go for a nervous pee on his behalf.
Despite the stress, Gareth lives up to the expert’s description of "bad boy package with good guy inside" by sending Ottie a pair of diamond earrings.
And the crazy thing is, guys, she DIDN'T EVEN HAVE ANY EARRINGS PICKED OUT YET.
Can anyone say 'destiny?'
"Oh God, he's nuts!" Ottie exclaims as she reads a note from her future hubby, who's excited to start their "crazy journey together".
And just when we're starting to wonder if things could get any more zany, it's time for the wacky duo to finally meet at the altar.
The attraction is instant, the banter is strong and the kiss is the least wince-inducing of the show so far.
And with Ottie's pals promising marrying a stranger "isn't even the craziest thing she's ever done", we best prepare ourselves for a mad-cap romp through the rest of the season with these two.
Married At First Sight NZ airs on Sundays at 7pm, and Mondays and Tuesdays at 7.30pm on Three. Previous episodes can be viewed on ThreeNow.
Newshub.
