We're back for another week of Married At First Sight, where the final two weddings will take place.
To be honest, I found the pre-wedding jitters last week so nail-biting, I ruined a perfectly good manicure - so for the sake of both my cuticles and my fragile mental state, I'm glad these are the last ones.
In week one, we laughed maniacally with Ksenia, we cried with Yuki and we developed a growing concern for the experts, trapped in that warehouse with only a few scented candles for warmth.
- Episode 1 recap: Like sheep to the altar
- Episode 2 recap: Tat-too much too soon?
- Episode 3 recap: While my groom gently weeps
Now it's time for Sam and Tayler along with Julia and David to face the music, dramatic pauses and tense sound effects.
Sam and Tayler
When we left fashion influencer Samuel Levi last, he was overcome with emotion as he grappled with the concept of marrying a stranger without so much as a cursory Insta-stalk.
"This has got to be one of the most silliest things I've ever done," he says.
Despite his anxiety, Sam manages to knock back a glass of champers with the grace of a hummingbird extracting nectar from a delicate flower, and I can't help but be impressed.
Expert Tony says nerves are totally normal in any wedding scenario, but Tony's probably delirious from weeks of incessant iPad use in a barren loft, because we all know this is super weird.
Meanwhile, at the wedding venue, a troupe of fashion-forward guests file in wearing enough pairs of Karen Walker sunglasses to fill a several-page magazine spread.
As Sam makes his way up the aisle, one of his 40,000 Instagram followers pipes up: "I know that guy!"
His mate Ben Blackwell, one of the grooms from season one, winces - either because he forgot his own KW sunnies, or because he's having traumatic flashbacks from his own reality TV wedding.
And while a dramatic score that wouldn't be out of place in a Jaws film plays in the background, Tayler hopefully approaches his new man at the altar.
Unfortunately, Sam's reaction is closer to that of a person who's just caught their pinky toe on the edge of the couch than someone meeting the love of their life.
Eventually, the marriage celebrant invites the pair to seal their union in their "own special way" - which for these two, means a handshake so awkward it makes John Key's World-Cup-three-way-train-wreck look smooth.
After walking down the aisle with his hands firmly in his pockets, Sam unsurprisingly admits that neither the spark, nor the attraction, is "there".
This is very, very bad, not least because Tayler is lolloping about like a happy Labrador pup, blissfully unaware of his new husband's misgivings.
"I feel awkward as f**k," Sam tells the wedding photographer during the newlywed photo shoot.
"SAME!" yells the entire nation simultaneously.
Throughout the day, Samuel's blue steel gaze does not soften; but miraculously, his heart does - things are finally looking up.
Tayler doesn't need any convincing. He says the lights flickered when he entered the venue, which could be a spiritual sign.
It could, Tayler, but it's also often how horror movies start, so let's just be mindful of that.
Julia and David
When we meet Julia she's bossing her hairdresser around, which I greatly admire, because I'd tell mine, "thanks, it's great!" even if they chopped my actual ear off.
The Married At First Sight editors aren't spared, either: "Cut that part out!" she says, "that's going to make me look desperate!"
Really though, Julia is sweet - she loves cats, she's a free spirit and she's ready for love.
She says she usually goes for a successful older businessman, and expert Tony decides not to "challenge her type" despite his deep affection for challenging people's types.
Enter David, a successful entrepreneur with a penchant for cricket and espresso martinis.
Julia says she needs a guy with a sense of humour, and David's already delivering - performing an impromptu tribute to Tom Cruise in Risky Business by jumping out of a changing room in just his shirt, undies and socks.
On the morning of the big day, David sends Julia a gift, which appears to now be a contractual agreement for the grooms this season.
Gareth sent Ottie earrings, Monique got a necklace from Fraser, but David's kept things interesting, presenting his bride-to-be with a bouquet of lilies and a special stone to ward off bad luck. Better yet, he's got himself one, too.
On the way to the ceremony, Julia clutches her stone and tries not to hyperventilate. Her mum Margret - a woman after my own heart - suggests she should just think of "all the yummy food" they're going to eat.
Things look very promising indeed for the pair when they meet at the altar, all smiles.
Julia rattles off her vows, a recipe to a cocktail that includes "a double shot of bravery" which sounds like something you could legitimately order at any Ponsonby Road bar.
David tells his new bride that seeing her is "like listening to a song for the first time and knowing it will be my favourite", which causes all the groomsmen to suddenly get pollen in their eyes.
Things get a tiny bit tense when it transpires that David didn't actually bring his special rock with him, which kind of defeats the purpose of the entire symbolic gesture.
But not to worry! Julia laughs it off, because she's a free spirit.
David is a hit with friends and family, including the absolute legend that is Margret, who tells Julia: "He's very successful; you and I can have all the cocktail drinks we want!"
Yasss, Margret! Priorities!
Bridesmaid Ju, however, tells the bride her new husband "looks like a handsome Shrek". So she is officially cancelled, thanks.
Back at the hotel room, and Julia and David are the only couple so far to pop their bottle of free bubbles - just like Margret would have wanted them to. I've got high hopes for these two.
Married At First Sight NZ airs on Sundays at 7pm, and Mondays and Tuesdays at 7.30pm on Three. Previous episodes can be viewed on ThreeNow.
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