James Middleton has laid bare his battle with depression in a heartbreakingly open column for the Daily Mail.
The Duchess of Cambridge's brother wrote how he suffered in silence as his mental health got worse and worse.
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"During the day I'd drag myself up and go to work, then just stare with glazed eyes at my computer screen, willing the hours to tick by so I could drive home again," he wrote.
"I couldn't feel joy, excitement or anticipation - only heart-thudding anxiety propelled me out of bed in the morning.
"I also felt misunderstood; a complete failure. I wouldn't wish the sense of worthlessness and desperation, the isolation and loneliness on my worst enemy. I felt as if I was going crazy."
At first he hid his struggle from his friends and family as he "sank progressively deeper into a morass of despair".
"Those who are closest to you are the hardest to speak to. It was impossible to let my loved ones know about the torture in my mind. Equally, anything they'd have said would have been rebuffed," he wrote in his Daily Mail article.
"That's why I withdrew from them, repelled their well-intentioned advice and finally stopped answering their calls and texts."
But he was saved after he realised he couldn't cope anymore and "desperately needed help". Middleton reached out and contacted his GP, and now sees a psychiatrist every week.
He says he decided to speak up after being inspired by his sister and her husband, Prince William, and their mental health charity Heads Together.
"I feel I have a duty to speak out, so I can help others who are suffering as I did," he wrote.
"If I could leave you with just one thought, it would be this: 'It's OK not to be OK.'"
Where to find help and support:
Need to Talk? - Call or text 1737
Lifeline - 0800 543 354 or (09) 5222 999 within Auckland
Youthline - 0800 376 633, text 234, email talk@youthline.co.nz or online chat
Samaritans - 0800 726 666
Depression Helpline - 0800 111 757
- Suicide Crisis Helpline - 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO)
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