We're back for episode six of Married At First Sight NZ, where the couples are playing house having now moved in together.
Their luxurious apartments offer sweeping views of the city, unlimited use of a Soda Stream and there's even a complimentary copy of Air NZ's inflight magazine on the coffee table.
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What more could a couple of strangers, trapped in a high-rise building hope for? Domestic bliss is surely imminent.
Anna and Jordan
When we check in with these two, it's time to have another Serious Chat In A Silly Place.
On Monday, the couple talked feelings in a Fijian hot tub. Today, it's a cheating conversation while perched on a low-hanging bough of a tree.
Apparently, things got a little messy last night, and Vicky crossed a line with Jordan.
"She started grabbing his hands and stuff like that," Anna tells us.
Wait, stuff? Stuff like that? STUFF LIKE WHAT, ANNA? THIS PART SEEMS CRUCIAL.
Anywho, Anna is mad that Jordan didn't tell Vicky to "get away", forgetting that Jordan is the kind of man who would be too polite to tell a rabid coyote to stop gnawing his arm off.
"At least you'll know for next time," Anna tells him.
Jordan agrees he'll be more careful, and says he thinks Vicky is great but is not attracted to her.
He'll also carry a whistle, an emergency flare and a hi-vis vest so he can respond appropriately to any future hand-touching, I presume.
The pair round things out by writing 'Anna hearts Jordan' on the tree in purple sharpie.
Cute, guys, but if I were you, I'd be expecting a call from a disgruntled Auckland Council member any day now.
Ray and Jono
I don't know who is more exhausted here: Ray, from his constant late-night partying, Jono, from always feeling misunderstood, or me, from having to witness this rollercoaster three nights a week.
They've scheduled an emergency session with the experts, but there aren't many new revelations that come from it, except that Jono is capable of an earth-shattering eyeroll.
"Yeah, that's really upset you, hasn't it?" Steph asks Ray.
"It has, hasn't it, Ray?" she continues, until Ray has no choice but to open the flood gates.
It is a real bummer to see these two struggling so much, considering it was mere days ago that they were touching each others' legs under the wedding table.
Still, expert Steph reckons they have phenomenal eye contact, which is especially impressive considering how many tears they've both shed.
Chris and Rose
There's no time for pottering around the apartment for Chris, who needs to get back to his job. I will refrain from asking how the other participants are managing to remain employed, and will instead focus on how cute it is that Rose brought him in a work picnic.
It might be a concept my own boss has rejected my pitches for time and again, but it goes down a treat at Chris' funky office - that is, until they start actually talking.
Chris gets a "pain of sadness" when Rose admits there was never really any physical attraction for her.
I feel a pain too, especially as Chris' bottom lip starts to shake in his emotional interview with producers. Is it empathy, or just hunger from eyeing up that cheese platter? I'm unsure.
Later at their counselling session with the experts, Chris says Rose makes him look good where ever he goes, but thinks he doesn't make Rose look good.
These "experts" fail to point out that Chris is an impeccably dressed man who frequently reinvents the fashion wheel with his choice in bold shirts, but still, the session seems to help.
Vicky and Stefaan
Meanwhile, Vicky is in big trouble for her antics last night. Anna has summoned her for a Scary Girl Chat, which is one of the worst kinds.
"I don't know if you remember anything..." Anna begins.
In case anyone was in any doubt, that's passive-aggressive girl speak for: 'Oh my god, you were so drunk, this is so embarrassing for your soul, you should probably move to Mexico'. '
Vicky is mortified, dubbing her boozy advances "the dick-est move you can do," but I reckon making your Uber driver go through the drive-thru twice because you forgot the sweet and sour sauce might be worse.
"It's maybe the worst thing I've done," she says. "It's a nightmare".
This seems a bit much, Vicky. Did you SEE what your reality TV counterparts got up to across the ditch on MAFS Australia this year? There was a lot more than just hands being touched, I'll tell you what.
Things are looking up though, because Stefaan is getting Queer-Eyed by Jono! The shopping trip provides some much-needed respite for two lads having a rather miserable time in their respective relationships.
Jono is definitely the right man for the job. 'Male grooming' is one of his hobbies, which I'll now be adding to my resume posthaste, considering I'm always plucking my boyfriend's weird long eyebrow hairs.
Stefaan's barber gives him a slick new 'do and some useful advice, having had an arranged marriage himself some years ago: "Yeah, shit, it's a bit wack, but hey".
At the big reveal, Jono reckons Stefaan's "confidence is really attached to this moment", but his sexy transformation is somewhat tainted by Vicky's flirting confession.
The trust has been shaken, but Stef takes it in his stride and will have to look for another moment to attach his confidence to soon.
Carmen and James
These guys are running their marriage like one long game of truth and dare - but it's working.
After James' infamous "nudie run" in Fiji, this time the wager is on a sculling competition that will see the loser get a poorly designed tattoo.
Carmen should have known better than to challenge a lad lad LAD like James, who hoofs back his glass of stout like a pelican swallowing a fish whole.
A quick scribble on a bar napkin later, and Carmen's sporting a fetching anchor with a 'W emblazoned on it.
Huh?
W...anchor...oh. Wanker. It says wanker, guys.
Carmen reckons this is "funny as," but I can't help but wonder if she'll want to bring it up as a "hazard" in what the couple calls their "daily toolbox meeting" one day soon.
I, for one, shall be filling out an incident report for health and safety immediately.
Married at First Sight NZ will return on Monday night on Three at 7:30pm and can be viewed again via ThreeNow.
Newshub.
