Billie Eilish has admitted she's "ashamed" and "embarrassed" of her past, lamenting the fact that "nothing goes away on the internet" after a resurfaced video showed her singing along to a song that includes a racist slur.
The 19-year-old pop star did not reference that particular incident in her recent interview with Vogue, nor the apology that came after it, but she did muse on growing up in the spotlight and having her every move immortalised online.
"I said so many things then that I totally don't agree with now, or think the opposite thing," she said.
"The weirdest thing is how nothing ever goes away once it's on the internet. Every interview I did when I was 15 is still out there, and I think about it constantly."
The 'Bad Guy' singer recalled a time where she was asked what she did when she wasn't making music, to which she replied: "'Even when I'm not making music, I'm making music."
"Lil Wayne said that in an interview and I just saw it and said it, too," she told Vogue. "And it's not even true!
"When you're a f**king teenager, you don't really know yourself, so you're trying to figure yourself out," she added. "That was the hardest thing for me: I didn't actually know how I really felt. So I just came up with this facade that I stuck to."
Eilish said it was "really weird" how the world was able to reminisce about "every aspect" of her life.
"The internet brings up things from everybody's past and I'm like: 'Don't you guys understand that everybody is incredibly embarrassed and ashamed about their past? Like, do you not think about the fact that maybe you're embarrassed of your past, so maybe everybody else is embarrassed, too?'"
Last month, Eilish apologised to her fans for the footage of her mouthing along with Tyler the Creator's song 'Fish', which includes the slur. She was also accused of speaking in an accent which some perceived as mocking people of Asian descent.
"I am appalled and embarrassed and want to barf that I ever mouthed along to that word," she wrote on Instagram at the time.
"This song was the only time I'd ever heard that word as it was never used around me by anyone in my family. Regardless of my ignorance and age at the time, nothing excuses the fact that it was hurtful. And for that I am sorry."
These days, Eilish says she's "much more comfortable" in her own skin and with her songwriting and her voice.
"I just have loved growing up and loved changing and getting older. It's just been the best thing ever to grow up," she said.
