A "depressed and lost" Chrissy Teigen has vented about her struggles being stuck in the 'Cancel Club' after previous tweets from her bullying Courtney Stodden went viral earlier this year.
In a lengthy message posted to Instagram alongside a photo of her lying on a couch, the supermodel said it "felt so weird to pretend nothing happened" online while feeling like "utter shit in real life".
"Going outside sucks and doesn't feel right, being at home alone with my mind makes my depressed head race," she said.
In May this year, Teigen apologised for cyberbullying Stodden, who she repeatedly harassed online in 2011 with suggestions the then-teenager should take her own life. At the time, Stodden said she forgave Teigen, but denied the Lip Sync Battle star's claims she had made a personal apology to Stodden.
In her recent Instagram post, Teigen said she knew how she was handling the fallout from the controversy "wasn't the answer".
"I feel lost and need to find my place again. I need to snap out of this, I desperately wanna communicate with you guys instead of pretending everything is okay. I'm not used to it any other way!" she said.
"Cancel club is a fascinating thing and I have learned a whole lot. Only a few understand it and it's impossible to know til you're in it."
The mother of two said she knew she would sound "whiny" talking about the subject when she had "clearly done something wrong".
"It just sucks. There is no winning. But there never is here anyhow. All I know is I love you guys, I miss you guys, and I just needed an honest moment with you because I'm just... tired of being sick with myself all day," she continued.
"I don't even know if it's good to say any of this because it's gonna get brutally picked apart but I dunno. I can't do this silent shit anymore!"
Teigen concluded by telling her fans and followers: "If you or someone you know has also been cancelled please let me know if there is a cancel club reunion because I could use some time off my couch!"
"Thank you and goodbye I love you," she signed off.
A few weeks after her historical tweets began circulating online, Teigen penned a blog post reiterating she was "truly ashamed" of them, and had been feeling the "crushing weight of regret" for the things she said.
Alongside her bullying of Stodden, other past tweets from Teigen showed her targeting other young stars, including Lindsay Lohan and MTV Teen Mom star Farrah Abraham.
