Warning: This article contains graphic details
An innocent plastic duck has come to a sticky end after an unfortunate journey into one New Zealander's rear end.
Newshub put in an OIA request for all the items removed from Kiwis' anuses in 2017 - and the DHBs actually delivered it to us.
The documents show over a dozen New Zealanders were hospitalised last year over their anal insertions, which can cause significant health issues and come with a health warning.
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The list of cavity calamities included a misplaced dildo, a piece of bath crayon - and one very unlucky plastic duck.
At least 11 people were hospitalised around New Zealand after requiring items removed. The worst area was the Capital and Coast DHB's, which had five people needing care.
But the colon carnage didn't stop there. The Bay of Plenty region showed off its wild side with another three accidents.
Northland was in third place, showing off its creative side with a piece of bath crayon.
"Experimentation with anal play is becoming increasingly popular because it stimulates a lot of sensitive nerve endings," says Adulttoymegastore spokesperson, product manager Emma Hewitt.
"While it's a highly enjoyable sexual act, it's imperative that people take their safety seriously. Objects that are inserted too far into the rectum can potentially travel up into, and perforate, the bowel."
New Zealand's worst rectum wreckers of 2017:
- Unspecified foreign body
- Dildo
- Lamb bone
- Ball
- Bottle cap
- Carrot
- Sex toy
- Plastic duck
- Piece of bath crayon
- Part of butt plug
- Impacted faeces
Homemade sex toys were one of the main culprits, including one sacrificial carrot.
"Household items that aren't specifically designed to be used for anal play shouldn't be used under any circumstances," Ms Hewitt told Newshub.
"They can easily get lodged or lost inside your body, and the materials they're made from could also break apart while inside the body."
But even if sex toys are used, Ms Hewitt warns Kiwis are putting themselves at risk of "lasting damage" when experimenting with the wrong kind during anal play.
"It's important to use specially designed anal toys because people are putting their safety at risk if they don't," she advises.
"Only buy anal toys that have a flared base or a retrieval cord. This is essential because it's the number one safety feature that prevents the toy from travelling too far into the rectum."
But if the worst does happen and push comes to shove but nothing comes out, Ms Hewitt says it's important to seek urgent medical attention.
"Go to your nearest Emergency Room immediately," she told Newshub.
"If the handle has been lost, the object isn't likely to be able to come out naturally by trying to 'pass' it on the toilet.
"Emergency staff have seen it all before, and accidents happen to the best of us. Don't hesitate to get help."
Newshub.
