It was this week revealed that corporate choc-monster Cadbury has committed yet another crime against a beloved New Zealand product.
In the latest unforgivable act, marshmallow Easter eggs, widely regarded as the best thing about the long, long, long lead-up to the holiest of holidays, have been defiled in a most disturbing way.
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The eggs of yore have been debased, degraded, desecrated, well, they're not even eggs any more. They are half eggs. Mounds. Humps. Hillocks. Knolls, if you will.
Yes, the original eggs were in fact two lengthwise halves joined together, but this created something more than the sum of its parts. As you bit into the egg, that double layer of chocolate in the middle provided textural excitement, and the option of splitting the two halves and eating them separately depending on your mood added an extra level of complexity to the experience.
But Cadbury took that away from us. It split them in half, broke their tight embrace, tore them apart.
Why on earth would they do such a thing? Well, following the closure of the Cadbury factory in Dunedin, the eggs are now made in Australia and apparently the machinery across the ditch can't handle the complexity of making an Easter egg that's actually shaped like an egg.
For shame. But never fear, The Spinoff is here. Our crack team of eggsperts has come up with an incredible hack that has to be seen to be believed. By combining our considerable skills, we have managed to fix the Cadbury marshmallow Easter egg.
The premise was simple: rejoin the halves. Reunite them. Bring them back together. Make two one again. You get the picture. It was a tough ask, but we were up to the challenge. Operation Reunite was on. We developed five different methods to rejoin the egg halves, and each was successful to varying degrees. Read on to find out how you yes, you! can replicate this at home.
The toaster
Two egg halves were held, flat side down, over a toast-less toaster (switched on, obvs) to allow the heat to melt the chocolate. The two halves were then pushed together to become one again, and put in the fridge to firm up.
Did it work? Yes. The two halves stuck together and held strong.
Aesthetically, this was the least pleasing of our eggsperiments, possibly because it was our first attempt and we were a little overzealous. One egg half was held with tongs and the other one had a knife jabbed into one end to create a handle. This affected the integrity of the shape, which, combined with the heat of the toaster, led to a bit of a smooshing situation that resulted in, as Alex Casey put it, a "chaos egg".
This method earns eggstra points for being easy to achieve in the home.
The hot, hot sun
Our experiment fortuitously coincided with the great heatwave of January 2019, so we left two halves outside in the searing heat of the afternoon sun. After 10 minutes or so, they had melted enough to be joined together, after which they were placed in the fridge.
Did it work? Yes, the halves held strong. As little human interference was needed, the resulting egg was aesthetically pleasing. Extra points awarded for ease of achievement, but please note results will vary depending on the heat of the sun.
The hairdryer
We blasted the flat side of the egg halves with a hot hairdryer to melt the chocolate, then joined them and bunged it in the fridge.
Did it work? Yes, but we were slightly overzealous with the hairdryer and the chocolate melted a little too much. Hence the aesthetics of this egg weren't the greatest. Points off also for the slight grossness of using a hairdryer for food preparation, and for the fact you need to be in possession of a hairdryer to perform this eggsperiment.
The melts
We purchased some Nestle milk chocolate melts, microwaved them and then spread some of the resulting melted chocolate onto one egg half and sandwiched it with t'other.
Did it work? Yes, very nicely thank you. This was the most successful of the methods. "Great adhesion here," noted Alex Casey. "That's a strong connection." Tina Tiller enjoyed the extra bite from the added chocolate, which was true to the spirit of the late, lamented eggs of yore.
While this was the most successful method, it did require the most effort, not to mention the added cost of purchasing chocolate melts.
The eggspert
Here at The Spinoff, we are most fortuitous to have a fancy chocolate shop directly beneath the office. We nervously approached the skilled chocolatiers at Miann Morningside and begged for their help. How would they rejoin the egg halves? While noting that they'd never sell a half egg (because why on earth would you), our friends downstairs bunged the egg halves on a tray and took to them with a blowtorch before, voila, sandwiching them together.
Did it work? Of course, these are professionals. A great option if you have helpful chocolatiers in close proximity.
NB: Due to the shape of the newfangled not-eggs produced by Cadbury, your fixed eggs will be a lot higher than the originals and might still not look that much like an egg.
