Just a warning - this article contains explicit content and is not safe for work (but is safe for working from home).
With the COVID-19 alert level 4 lockdown imminent and many Kiwis staying at home all the time, it's fair to say some people are spending more time with their partners than ever before.
My partner and I are going from spending one full day together each week to planning at least four uninterrupted weeks together and it could be the make or break.
I put the question out on social media, asking Kiwis how isolation has affected their sex lives and boy, did friends and strangers alike deliver.
Here's the lowdown on Aotearoa's sex life during the lockdown:
Male, single
"It's all about the dick pic on IG for the single gays I tell ys! The gays can't have that casual sex, so they're just desperate to see them and show theirs off."
Female, new relationship
"We're keeping apart and it has only been two days and it's killing me. We've had sex every day for the past month and now nothing. We're sexting pretty much the whole time."
Female, single
"Solo living and isolation just means my vibrator will probably get a bit of a workout in the next while. But also - how wild is that first weekend everyone is allowed to go out in going to be!?"
Female, in a relationship
"No change in our sex life. It has been on the up for months and continues to improve. I'm grateful to have him home with me to help with the children and spend more time together, I'm also excited to have sneaky daytime sex!"
Female, in a relationship
"I just had a last hurrah with boyfriend and now we won't see each other for a month or more. It's the longest we've been apart. It's weird because we were supposed to be doing our big Europe trip together next month, but instead, we're forcibly split up. It sucks now but will be better in the long run when NZ tells this virus to f**k off."
Female, in a relationship
"My partner and I are three hours apart so we're both praying for this to only be four weeks. But there will be lots of nudes etc flying around to hopefully make this time pass!"
Female, in a relationship
"Disclaimer: our life is pretty isolated anyway, as we live in a rural beach town and my in-laws are in the same town. What I'm loving about the lockdown is the said in-laws and people, in general, aren't just popping over all the time, which for us means sex can happen anywhere in the house at any time! Without the fear of someone popping over."
Female, in a relationship
"I've been wearing a size 24 dressing gown for four days and only taking it off for a daily hour-long bath. Can confirm it's limited our sexual interactions to almost nil."
Female, in a relationship
"My boyfriend and I are staying apart because our relationship would 100 percent combust by day 14, and imagine a break up in the middle of isolation! No banging on the horizon either because phone sex is not fun when your dad is in the next room."
Female, single
"I literally haven't wanked in two weeks, I am not in the least bit horny. Will this end? Am I asexual now?"
Male, in a relationship
"My girlfriend and I have our own places. She has a serious heart condition so is in self-quarantine. I'm still working so we are having no physical contact at all. It's tough - Snapchat is making sexting fun though."
Female, in a relationship
"So much more sex. Nothing like impending doom to make you randy but also so much sneakier because my flatmates are home too."
Female, in a relationship
"Being a nurse [my partner] is terrified of touching me. And the lockdown bickering has begun!"
Female, in a relationship
"Together for over two years and it's still genuinely hard to keep our hands off each other. Started isolation together today and we've had sex three times since last night. I imagine it will calm down over the next month but then again, maybe not."
Male, single
"I'm a wrinkly old prune."
