It's time to unleash your inner Tim Gunn and brandish those manicured claws, because guess what - it's Judgement Day. And by Judgement Day, I mean it's time to critique the outfits at yesterday's Met Gala that cost more than a year's salary to create, worn by some of the most beautiful people to grace this Earth.
To recap, the theme of the annual extravaganza was 'In America: An Anthology of Fashion', with 'Gilded Glamour and White Tie' as the dress code. The brief was to honour the origins of American style, celebrating the unsung heroes of fashion design. Meanwhile, 'Gilded Glamour' refers to the Gilded Age, an era that spanned from 1870 to 1890 and denotes a time of prosperity, industrialisation and economic growth.
For example, Kim Kardashian now famously donned the iconic vintage gown the late Marilyn Monroe wore in 1962 to sing 'Happy Birthday, Mr President' to John F. Kennedy - which has become one of the most talked about ensembles of the evening.
But there were also the duds. Kardashian's half-sister, Kylie Jenner, rocked up in a gown reminiscent of a runaway bride, paired with a baseball cap, of all accessories. Comedian Amy Schumer turned up in black shades, a black dress and 'undone' hair that screamed 'walk of shame' rather than red carpet. Then there's actor Dakota Johnson, who, despite wearing a gorgeous lace Gucci number, decided to shroud it in a flowing robe that can only be described as a dressing gown.
Of course, as I write this, I'm working from home, makeup-free, shovelling crackers into my mouth and fitted in a fetching pair of sweatpants embellished with a smear of fake tan. I can't remember if I even put on deodorant. Anywho, I'm ready to judge.
Kylie Jenner
First on the chopping block is 24-year-old Keeping Up With the Kardashians star, Kylie Jenner. The makeup mogul, who is the most-followed woman on Instagram, wore a billowing white dress reminiscent of a bridal gown and teamed it with a birdcage veil and backwards baseball cap.
Despite the look receiving mixed feedback on social media, the story behind the outfit is quite touching. Jenner has since explained that she wore the ensemble in honour of late Louis Vuitton artistic director Virgil Abloh, who died aged 41 of cancer last year. The outfit was coordinated by the team at Off-White, the luxury fashion label founded by Abloh.
However, the story behind the ensemble didn't quite offset the runaway bride vibes Jenner was serving. Less would have been more in this case - maybe ditching the Shein-style sheer sleeves would have helped.
Amy Schumer
When I think of the Met Gala, I think extravagance, opulence, creativity - outrageousness, even. I'm not 100 percent sure what the inspiration was behind Schumer's all-black ensemble: rich widow pretends to be sad at husband's funeral? Hungover auntie's Sunday morning walk of shame? Look, I'm not trying to be rude, but the 'fit just wasn't fitting the brief.
The comedian donned a double-breasted black coat dress with an open neckline by Gabriela Hearst and teamed it with large black sunglasses and strappy heels. Whatever look Schumer was aiming for, she encapsulated its essence when she deadpanned to Vogue, "I'm also here for the drinks." Inspired.
I mean, you've kinda gotta love it.
Kourtney Kardshian
I could just leave this one here. However, the Kardashian herself has pretty much explained what in the hell of hot-messity happened.
Speaking to a reporter, the star admitted she "didn't really think about" the theme before her Met Gala debut - and it shows.
Basically, the gist of her car-crash-couture was to resemble a reconstructed version of fiancé Travis Barker's ensemble, both of which were designed by Thom Browne.
I don't know, and neither does Kourtney. Besides, they were too busy putting on the PDA to care.
Ansel Elgort
The Fault in Our Stars actor was definitely serving - canapes, that is, not lewks.
According to reports, the star donned a Fendi suit, complete with white gloves and a bowtie. I can see what he was trying to do - the suit does have a certain je ne sais quoi reminiscent of the 'Gilded Age' of the late 19th century. But all in all, Elgort's ensemble didn't quite transition to the red carpet. He would, however, make a very suave waiter.
Dakota Johnson
I am begrudgingly including the Fifty Shades of Grey star because despite wearing an absolutely stunning sheer lace Gucci creation, she decided to cover it with an actual dressing gown - no shades of grey. To be fair, at least wearing a dressing gown to an event means you're basically one step closer to where you'd rather be - at home on the couch watching Catfish reruns.
Kodi Smit-McPhee
Aussie actor and Power of the Dog star Kodi Smit-McPhee told Vogue his Bottega Veneta ensemble was designed to pay homage to casual Fridays - hun, in case you weren't aware, it was Monday night - at the Met Gala. We all love a subversive sartorial moment, but this was not it. I never thought I'd see the day I'd say no to a pair of jeans, but alas, here we are.
There were several other questionable ensembles, but those were the ones I felt compelled to critique. Honourable mentions go to Sebastian Stan's hot pink combo, which instead of reading the brief, promptly sat on it, and Dylan Sprouse's tacky silver get-up that would be better suited to a Vegas wedding. The lovely Camilla Cabello was also a miss, with someone appearing to vomit Froot Loops down the front of her white gown. Meanwhile, Katy Perry seemingly swathed herself in mesh from a local Spotlight.
Well, that's it folks - I suppose I'll go and wash my hair now.
