Over the years I've found families typically divide into two very distinct categories: naked homes, or non-naked homes. The former, of course, means nudity is normalised (within reason); kids can feel free to run around in the nuddy and parents aren't too pressed about being seen in their birthday suits.
The latter is the opposite: nudity is acceptable for toddlers, perhaps, but past a certain point, everyone is expected to keep their private bits, well, private. There's also a scale - some families may see nudity as taboo, a topic to avoid, while others may just have a more conservative approach.
A Kiwi parent has now prompted a discussion online after asking other New Zealand 'rents if nudity is normalised in their family homes, and if their approaches to nudity have been influenced by their own experiences growing up.
Taking to the New Zealand subreddit on Saturday, a parent by the username u/MercyNZ posed the question, "Do you let your kids see you undressed?"
"I have two kids under seven. They have no personal space, no shame, no bathroom door will stop them! They run around the house after a shower yelling, 'I'm naked!'" they explained.
"I actually love that, at this age, they aren't uncomfortable about being seen without clothes. I want to reinforce to them that their bodies are fine. I want them to see real, normal bodies before they're blasted with photoshopped pictures of super-skinny models or over-sexualised images. So I'm not precious about being seen after a shower, or whatever.
"I've asked a couple of friends with kids the same age and the consensus seems to be: I gave up on having privacy or dignity when I had kids.
"But... maybe we're just weird? So I'm asking Kiwi parents, or parents who live in NZ/Aotearoa... Do you let your kids see you undressed? Do they run around naked, like ours do? What was your experience, growing up, and has this influenced how you parent your kids? Interested parents want to know!"
It's safe to say, the ensuing discussion was actually pretty wholesome, with many Kiwi families appearing to have a more progressive outlook on the subject. A number of parents took to the thread to share their own experiences, thoughts and feelings, with the majority explaining they want normal bodies and all their weird bits and pieces to be, well, normalised for their children.
"Our kids see us as we are. With rolls and flab and hair and spots and freckles and whatever else. Scars, stretch marks, wrinkles. They're under 10 and they still wander around naked after a bath until we remind them to get dressed," one shared.
"Bodies are normal. Bodies are a part of life. Boobs get saggy. That scar on a knee has a story. My fingers look different to yours. Some people have hairy backs. It f***ed me up for years idolising skinny photoshopped models etc. I don't want that for my kids.
"They understand the boundaries around stranger danger, not showing your bits to friends, telling an adult when something happens etc, but also not grow up as naive prudes."
"I remember up until about the age of about 10ish regularly seeing my parents naked. They weren't nudists, but not prudes either. I probably stopped regularly seeing them naked around about the time I realised that maybe I should give them privacy sometimes. I expect it'll be much the same for my little guy as he grows up," a second chimed in.
"With our kids we have a pretty open door policy - they come in while we shower etc (like asking questions or whatever) and don't rush to get dressed themselves after their bath etc. Sort of figure nudity as part of something (like, getting changed or in/out the shower) is just part of life so definitely nothing to be embarrassed about or shameful," a third weighed in.
"BUT also there's a huge difference between seeing someone nude because they're getting their togs on (for example) and someone flashing others and like doing it to be funny or rude. It's a weird one for sure and we know people who seem to be the opposite (they would never be naked in front of their kids but think swinging their junk in someone's face is hilarious)."
"Nah I'm not too worried. We have three kids and all of them have barged in on us in the shower etc. We're working on teaching the eight-year-old when it's appropriate to be nude around others but otherwise we don't worry too much about it," another explained, with a fifth adding: "I'm all for teaching children healthy body habits. Nudity in a safe place? Sure, go for it."
"My almost two-year-old loves to be naked and he sees us on the toilet, in the shower, getting dressed in the morning. That's just part of everyday life. I'm fairly active on a lot of parenting subreddits and that's the consensus for a lot of parents in a lot of countries," another parent said.
"Privacy and boundaries have gradually evolved as our kid is now in the tween stage, they appreciate it more now too. But we're just in an average size, three-beddy home with a single bathroom. Pretty much an inevitability. We try not to stress about it," one other pitched in.
In an article for Kidspot New Zealand, Claire Eaton of Creative Parenting said every family will have its own approach to nudity, which is "personal and cultural".
Eaton advises families to determine what everyone is comfortable with and to be flexible about their attitudes towards the subject, pointing out that kids often get their body image cues from watching their parents.
"Children can learn how to be comfortable and accepting of their own body by watching and hearing how parents relate to weight, shape, size, changes and differences," Eaton said.
"Parents can gain a lot by reflecting on how nudity was handled when they were growing up and whether they're happy with that or if they want to make changes or embrace a completely different approach in raising their own children."
