Warning: This article contains sexual content that may not be appropriate for all readers.
Have you ever wondered how much lube New Zealanders buy in a year? No, me neither: but in case you were curious, the amount sold last year alone was enough to fill over 20 hot tubs. The more you know.
Now I have your attention, it's time to dive into the data you're actually interested in: Aotearoa's sexiest and most sexless cities of 2023. Each year, adult toy e-store Lovehoney dishes the dirt on the sexy shopping habits and most common kinks of each and every region, from Taranaki's love of being tied up to Southland's soft spot for straps and harnesses.
It goes without saying, but if you're a bit too delicate for talk of cock rings and cages, please feel free to click out of this article and wear your halo with pride - the rest of us will be wearing fetish costumes, apparently, but it takes all sorts.
First up, the award for New Zealand's Sexiest City of 2023 goes to… Auckland! This is a big step-up for the Super City, which ironically was ranked among the country's least sexiest locations last year, while the Adventure Capital Queenstown was awarded the top honour.
Despite the City of Sails pulling some of the lowest sales for sex toys in 2022, Aucklanders have been making up for lost time - now buying the most products nationwide.
Well done, Aucklanders - pat yourselves on the back (or wherever else).
At the opposite end of the spectrum, the Vanilla Award has been bestowed upon the West Coast, the region with the smallest number of sex toy purchases. Greymouth, I expected more of you.
Elsewhere, the Kinkiest Region was awarded to Canterbury, which brings in the most BDSM and 'sex machine' products, while Tie-Me-Up Taranaki has been crowned the Bondage Rope Capital of New Zealand.
In Windy Welly, Wellingtonians have been getting to work with the most manually operated dildos nationwide, and of all the regions, Otago buys the most chastity cages. Let's not forget about Northland: they've been crowned the country's Suction Cup Dildo Champs, while Waikato is all about women's pleasure, the top-selling product being a clitoral suction toy. Way to go, team!
Let's stretch our legs (or in the words of Prime Minister Hipkins, spread them) and go for a little walk across the world map to see what other kinky countries have been getting up to. According to Lovehoney's data, the US buys more butt plugs than any other country, while the friendly folk of Canada have been buying the biggest dildos.
Our neighbours across the ditch spend the most money in the world on clitoral suction vibrators, while the UK buys more sex toys than any other nation, full stop. If you use this info to plan your next overseas jaunt, no judgement here.
To conclude on another fun fact for you all, if you stacked all of the sex toys New Zealanders bought here in 2022, it would equal the height of 9.8 Sky Towers. West Coast, where you at? We've got a record to beat.
Lovehoney's data was curated using its 2022 sales figures, a global study from Winter 2022, and the 2023 Sex Trends predicted by its global network.
