Doctors Julie and John Gottman have been studying relationship psychology for 40 years.
They claim the ability to predict with 94 percent accuracy whether a relationship will last.
They're in Auckland to train clinicians, and met with Story's Kim Vinnell for an exclusive interview.
The Gottmans shared a few of their key principals for making a relationship work:
Dr John Gottman told Story most arguments arise from personality differences, and those differences have to be accepted.
He says the masters of relationships say, "Here’s what I'm thinking, and here's what I need from you".
In a good relationship, Dr John Gottman says we see people saying things like "I might be wrong" and "I'm sorry".
Relationships can be dragged down by negative emotions like sadness and hostility. The negativity becomes "like quicksand … the couple steps in and they just sink deeper and deeper".
The Gottmans' research suggests all couples, regardless of gender and sexuality, have similar problems.
However, social barriers -- such as workplace prejudice and isolation from family -- make some qualities more important in same-sex relationships. Those qualities include a sense of humour and ability to calm down during an argument.
The Gottmans say gay and lesbian partners are less likely to use controlling and hostile emotional tactics.
"What makes relationships work is not that we're perfect", Dr John Gottman believes -- saying it's all about “managing miscommunication and repairing.”
Watch the video for the full Story report.
