If you are looking for an ungrateful cat whose favourite past time is sitting on the sofa judging you, then Sharon Course has the pet for you.
The Auckland midwife says she rescued Normandy a few months back from a property in south Auckland. But after finding out the uppity cat "literally doesn't give a f***" she is now desperately trying to sell the feline online.
"Normandy is living the best cat life without any of the cat responsibilities and she literally doesn’t give a f... about you," Course wrote on TradeMe, in a bid to entice someone into adopting her.
Course, originally from Scotland, says saving cats is a bit of a hobby for her, and over the past year she has rehomed around 20.
In each case - with a little help from some funding from the Cat Coalition - she gets the cats microchipped, desexed, defleaed, wormed and vaccinated, before searching for a new home for the cats, which are often very "sad cases".
Course says she picked up Normandy after a family she knew found the stray and her kittens under their deck.
"[She was] really emaciated, she'd been living rough," Course told Newshub.
Although she managed to find homes for the kittens, it hasn't been so easy with Normandy.
Now, around four months later, Course says she's at her wit's end.
"Normandy wants all the good stuff that being a 'companion animal' brings – loving words, treats, comfy warm blankets, endless supply of food, best seat – but not the actual work that comes with the title," Course wrote on TradeMe.
"Her favourite activity, after dining on hand-shredded cooked chicken that must be laid at least 10cm away from her personal space, is to sit on your sofa and judge you.
"If you pat your lap and go 'aw, come on, let's be friends, it's been three months now', those beautiful green eyes will narrow with utter contempt and crush your soul. She doesn’t scratch or bite – she doesn’t need to. She knows she has broken you already with her gaze, mere human."
The tongue-in-cheek TradeMe ad has had almost 3000 views, says Course, but so far there have been no bites from potential owners.
"I've had a lot of people saying 'loved your advert, cheered me up - no chance of me taking her, sorry'," Course told Newshub.
When one lady did show interest, "Normandy just decided that she just knew" and promptly disappeared.
It was only when Course broke the news to the potential buyer that the cat had gone AWOL and the lady decided not to go ahead with the exchange that Normandy reappeared.
"I wouldn't be surprised if she's got access to my computer, actually," joked Course.
Since moving in, the cat has "taken over" the house, sending "evil" looks in every direction.
"She's just so evil, honestly, those eyes," said Course. "And she stares for hours, and it's so weird."
"I'll be sitting watching the TV and then I'll be aware that someone's watching me and she's just sitting there looking at me with disgust, like 'you horrible human' - it's awful!"
Despite her less-than-friendly personality, Normandy doesn't bite, says Course, although she is prone to the odd hissy fit.
"She just destroys your soul, honestly, she's so awful."
Course says she decided to take an honesty-first approach in her attempts to rehome the cat, so any potential owners know exactly what they're in for.
And although Normandy's new parents may not have been found yet, Course can breathe a sigh of relief, with the New Zealand Cat Foundation agreeing to step in and help her out.
"They're hopeful they can either rehome her or if she continues in her evil ways then they'll keep her there for the rest of her life - she'll live in luxury."
