A 22-year-old has opened up on the moment he transitioned from a girl to a boy as a teenager.
Joe Stockhausen told his story alongside mother Pauline on The Project on Thursday night, revealing he was struggling with his mental health before he understood he was transgender.
"I guess it was probably from when I was really young, my mental health was just declining and I was just so confused why it was," Joe tells The Project.
"Then I started thinking about what was the issue and it was always targeted towards my chest, to wearing a skirt or being perceived as feminine by other people.
"So I just started looking online, what is this. The term transgender just came up and I was like 'oh crap, that is me.'"
The moment Joe revealed to his mother that he was transgender and wanted to transition, it caught her off-guard.
"We were on a family road trip for summer and I thought 'OK, she's in a good mood'," he says. "I said 'I think I'm transgender, I want to transition as a boy - I am a boy' and that was it."
His mother Pauline just said 'OK' at the time, as she didn't know much about what that really meant.
"I came away very much like, 'great parenting moment Pauline' because I didn't give him any negative," she says.
"I was just like, 'I don't understand, but that is OK - let me go research so I can find out and then we can go get some help to figure this all out.'"
Looking back on the moment, Joe says he completely understands his mother's reaction.
"It is such a new concept to people, especially if they haven't heard of transgender before or even gender-diverse."
Pauline said using Joe's correct pronouns took her a lot of practice in front of the mirror and she made a lot of mistakes early on.
"It's really hard when you had a daughter and then you have to quickly change to having a son, because I was getting it wrong all the time. Not intentionally, it's just habits," she says.
After Joe came out as transgender, his relationship with his mother declined.
They went through a period where they "didn't talk" as Pauline was hoping her daughter was just going through a "phase".
"Joe had got to the finish line, but I was still at the start so there was a massive divide there," she says.
"I was very much waiting for the counsellor to tell me 'this is just a phase, don't worry your daughter is going to be fine, we'll get her on the right path,' but actually he came back saying 'you've brought up an incredible young man and he knows exactly who he is, and it's not a phase'.
"So I was like, 'oh it's not a phase, we are doing this'."
Joe's relationship with his mother began to heal - but there was more difficulty to come.
"I finally got into testosterone hormone therapy and I almost cried because I was almost approved and then there was a shortage in New Zealand," he says.
"You [Pauline] were calling multiple pharmacies saying 'where is this testosterone, my son needs it' and a total warrior mum just came out.
"That was the first moment I actually saw you on my side."
Joe hopes if people see his story, that it gives more them confidence to come out.
"Just more people," he says. "I go to uni, I spend too much money on coffee just like any other Aucklander and kind of just living my life."
His mother is hoping to provide inspiration to parents who are in her shoes, saying to remember "essentially, you have the same kid"."
"My hope is that parents realise it's actually not that scary," she says. "Your child has changed gender but essentially they're the same kid."
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