A woman who spent almost 10 years in and out of Hillmorton Hospital has spoken out about her treatment at the mental health facility, claiming staff left her to deal with her problems alone and discharged her despite pleas to stay.
Emily* started getting counselling at Hillmorton in her early teens, but stopped after getting the feeling hospital staff had brushed her off as just a "moody teenager".
When she was 18, she gave the facility another try. Emily returned to finally get the diagnosis she wanted all along - she was told she had borderline personality disorder, among other mental illnesses.
"It just really threw me off that they were so quick to shut me down but then straight away diagnosed me as soon as I was an adult," Emily said.
She thought now she would finally get the help she needed, but she was wrong. Emily says the hospital often left her to deal with her problems alone.
"They made me feel invalidated… Their solution every time was 'oh we are going to discharge you' instead of trying to resolve the issue," she said.
Emily said when she was overwhelmed and at her most vulnerable in individual therapy, she would be left alone to 'calm down' for unknown periods of time, usually lasting over 15 minutes despite her pleading for them to stay.
On a couple of occasions, she said she noticed razor blades left in the rubbish bins.
"That's insane," she said. "Would you not even check that the room is safe before leaving a patient alone when they are not in a good headspace?"
Despite being at a high risk, she would get sent home and told they would try again next week.
Hillmorton Hospital is currently going through a million-dollar redevelopment to improve and expand the facilities, but Emily says it's not just the buildings that need to be improved.
Emily says on one occasion, she asked the group therapist a question about struggling to find coping mechanisms that worked in front of a room of people.
"Well, you're screwed then aren't you?" she recalls the therapist replying, the room going silent.
In May 2021, Hillmorton Hospital discharged Emily due to hindering her progress rather than helping.
Newshub contacted the Canterbury DHB, which runs Hillmorton Hospital, who said they do not comment on individual patient care.
However, in the discharge letter Newshub has seen, it said the woman was discharged because the services "can easily trigger [her] feeling potentially helpless with high levels of distress" and the treatment offered is not helping. But Emily said her feelings were a result of being treated poorly.
The letter had a list of alternative places Emily can seek help, but the letter was delivered to the wrong address, meaning Emily had no idea how she should move forward.
She contacted Hillmorton about not hearing from them and they told her she was discharged. She pleaded to stay, but they wouldn't listen.
"Instead of trying it was like 'we can't help you, bye'."
A year later, Emily is still suffering from the effects of her time at Hillmorton, struggling to find a therapist and open up to someone again.
Hillmorton Hospital has long been criticised and is widely considered one of New Zealand's worst mental facilities.
Canterbury DHB is currently working through plans with the Ministry of Health for fit-for-purpose facilities to replace the current building, with plans focusing on creating a "therapeutic environment".
*Emily's name has been changed to protect her identity.
