Renowned international rugby referee Nigel Owens has opened up about his on-going battle with eating disorder bulimia.
Speaking to UK publication The Telegraph, the Welshman, widely considered to be the premier referee in the game, admits to an almost 30-year struggle with the disease in an effort to spread awareness of its prevalence among males.
Its sufferers will induce vomiting, take laxatives, or exercise to extremes after eating large amounts of food for fear of gaining weight.
A veteran of two Rugby World Cups, Owens spoke of the pressures of coming to terms with his homosexuality within the small and insular Welsh village where he grew up as the genesis of his dealings with the condition.
"I was 16.5 stones. My belly was hanging over the front of trousers. There was no way these guys were going to fancy me looking like that," Owens confessed.
It devolved to the point he'd be leave the dining table between courses to purge himself.
"I was really thin and pale and my face was drawn. Pretty much every day I was worried I would put the weight on. If I could see my stomach coming through my shirt I felt too big."
He began to workout-out obsessively, becoming addicted to steroids while battling depression as he sank to "a very dark place". A place so dark it saw him, at one stage, attempt suicide.
The bulimia continued until the age of 36 when his mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer, which proved to be the "wake up call" he needed.
"I thought, here is my mum fighting every day to spend more time with us, with an illness that she can't do anything about, and here I am with an illness I can stop."
It wasn't until eight years later it reared its ugly head again, as Owens succumbed to the demands of selection for the 2015 Rugby World Cup.
"I needed to lose a couple of kilos and slipped back into losing weight the wrong way. I've suffered from it pretty much every month or so ever since. Not only does it do damage to your body but it's the mental side too. It's the anxiety.
"You can't enjoy yourself when you go out to have food. You worry about eating too much and the bulimia coming back. It affects so much of your life."
In hosting an upcoming BBC documentary on the issue, Owens hopes he can spread some light on a disease which has all too often been associated with females, encouraging others suffering its symptoms to speak up and seek help.
While most people afflicted by the disorder are women, recent statistics in the UK suggest almost a third of cases reported are now men, who are typically chasing the highly-coveted and popularised lean and muscular physique.
"There is a fear that men can't show signs of weakness and it is embarrassing to admit that something is wrong. We are supposed to be strong.
"But what I realise now is it is actually a great sign of strength to be able to confide to a friend, colleague, doctor or family member."
If you wish to contact someone about bulimia or another eating disorder please contact the Eating Disorders Association of New Zealand (EDANZ) on 0800 2 EDANZ
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