These days, Aaron Smith tries to love the guy he sees in the mirror each night - it hasn't always been that way.
In 2016, the All Blacks halfback was infamously busted having sex in the toilet of Christchurch airport, cheating on then-girlfriend Teagan Voykovich, while his teammates waited for a flight outside.
When the story broke, he was sent home from South Africa to face his family and friends, as further details came to light.
But on the Rugby Bricks podcast, Smith has revealed details of how he pulled himself back from the brink of professional and emotional ruin to regain his mana among All Blacks leadership.
"To be honest, from 2016 to now, it's been full circle," he told former Otago first-five and podcast host Peter Breen.
"It was hard, very tough, but I had to take a really good look in the mirror around who I was portraying and who I was being.
"It wasn't an instant thing - It took a couple of years to really sort out my issues and I'm still working on myself."
The process began with a heart-to-heart with All Blacks mental skills guru Gilbert Enoka. Smith told him what he thought the problem was - Enoka told Smith what the problem really was.
"It was a very honest session," Smith told Breen. "He gave it to me in black and white - 'I think this is your issue and I'm going to get you the people to help'.
"I went in with a 'yes' attitude - 'I want the help, please help me' - I had to front up and it's amazing to be sitting here, proud of who I am now."
Through the All Blacks, Smith was able to seek professional help to address the mentality that had triggered his downfall.
"Through that whole period leading up to 2016, I fell into a really ugly circle of drinking a lot, loving being an All Black... loving the spotlight and attention. It was ugly.
"I fell into the wrong side of the rugby, reading good articles about yourself and loving it - 'I'm the man'."
He underwent regular counselling, quit drinking and established a clear code of values to live by.
"My big goal is, when I brush my teeth at night and look in the mirror, I think, 'You did the right thing today, I'm proud of you, you're a good guy'.
"That's something I don't think I could have done back in the day - that's my trigger. It sounds easy, but it was hard."
During the fallout from the scandal, Smith unwittingly implicated All Blacks coach Steve Hansen in texts leaked to the media.
"My coach say if u do a afterdavid [sic] think the media will go away and won't come up!!!!" he messaged his accomplice.
Smith told Rugby Bricks that Hansen became one of his biggest supporters on the road to recovery.
"Steve Hansen was massive for me the whole time," he said. "He rung once a week, even when I wasn't in camp, to check on me.
"People think he's quite cheeky, but he's got a big heart. I love Steve, and him believing in me and sticking by me was massive, because they could have just washed their hands of me.
"He went the other way with me. He didn't like what I did, but he said, 'If you change, I can help'."
When the All Blacks were eliminated from World Cup contention in the semi-finals and then again after the bronze-medal playoff, Smith sought out his departing coach for a special farewell.
"I went and hugged him to thank him for helping me become a man."
Incredibly, Smith and Voykovich are still together. They're engaged and welcomed baby son Luka shortly before dad departed for Japan.
"We didn't win a World Cup, but I'm still a professional rugby player, I'm still living life, I've got a beautiful house, a beautiful family - beautiful son, beautiful fiance. I've got nothing to complain about.
"Losing a game doesn't define me. What drives me is I want to prove the people that stuck by me right - I want to replay them for their support.
"I want to change people's mindsets on what they thought of me, so if they ever met me, they would say, 'He's cheeky, but he's not as bad as they say'."
