Kyle Sinckler has no recollection of the Rugby World Cup final, despite watching much of England's defeat by South Africa from the sidelines.
The giant prop was forced out of the match in the opening moments, after being knocked unconscious.
Sinckler admits taking almost four weeks to come to terms with seeing the biggest match of his life ended by an accidental collision and he still has not watched a replay of the November 2 showdown.
Once the explosive front-rower had risen to his feet, he was able to walk to the replacements bench, where he witnessed England fall to a 32-12 defeat, but the battle before him passed in a fog.
"It took 3-4 weeks to get over the final," the Maximuscle ambassador told the PA news agency in his first interview since the World Cup. "It was dark.
"You go through phases where you're distraught, feeling sorry for yourself and down in the dumps.
"I was struggling, because I tore my calf just before the semi-final. It was a pretty bad one as well, so I couldn't really walk.
"That was getting better and then in the final, I got a pretty big concussion, so I didn't really know what was going on.
"I can't remember anything really from the final. They said I came back out, but I can't remember that.
"It was an innocuous incident, which was just meant to be, but it was really, really tough.
"You ask yourself, 'Why me? I've trained so hard to get to this moment. I've dreamed it, this is my life'.
"But then I snapped out of it, realising that you can either be the guy who is always feeling sorry for yourself or use it as motivation to push on.
"So I just flipped it on its head - it wasn't meant to be, so crack on, just keep doing what I'm doing and keep working hard, and hopefully I'll get selected for England again, because I never take that for granted - ever, ever."
The incident ended an outstanding World Cup for Sinckler, who showed his athleticism and rugby smarts to run in his maiden test try in the quarter-final rout of Australia.
In the following round, he was among the stars of a stunning victory over New Zealand, but he sees no value in revising the events of the Yokohama climax to a "bittersweet" tournament a week later.
"No, no, I'm done with it," Sinckler said. "It wasn't meant to be... there's nothing I can learn from it for myself,"
"From what I heard, South Africa played unbelievably well and were deserving winners on the day."
AAP
