New Zealand mountain biker Sam Gaze is in the picturesque medieval Spanish town of Girona, preparing for the resumption of the European season, something that may not have appeared possible a year ago.
It wasn't because of the coronavirus pandemic, rather the 24-year-old was dealing with his mental health.
Gaze's career went on hold after a crash in an event in South Africa in April 2019 and not long after that, his mental health issues came to the surface.
"I suffered a pretty bad head injury on the first stage of the Cape Epic and there were a lot of things over the year before that added to it, including my disappointment at the Commonwealth Games and a few other things," Gaze says.
Gaze was fined for unsportsmanlike behaviour towards teammate Anton Cooper during the 2018 Commonwealth Games on the Gold Coast.
"I felt I wasn't true to myself and cracks appeared. After the crash, the floodgates opened and I ended up having a bit of a hard time last year, freaking myself out and trying to get myself back to the happy enjoyable athlete I usually am."
Gaze was officially diagnosed with depression and spent the last 18 months picking up the pieces.
"When you're like that and in that situation, it stops being about the sport and results sheet and rather about getting yourself healthy."
"There was a lot of work that needed to be done internally for myself to reset my values in the sport and be true to those, but now I feel I'm in a good spot."
"It's been a critical journey to get through to where I am now."
He credits his new Belgian team Alpecin-Fenix and owner Philip Roodhooft for playing a major part on his road to recovery.
"Now I look back at it and I'm pretty grateful for everyone's help. Obviously, the result sheet hasn't been what it could have been the last 18 months, but me as an athlete and me as a person has grown a lot through this."
"I'm sure it is going to aid me for the longevity of my career, rather than just a standout result here and there."
Gaze spent lockdown in New Zealand, but returned to Europe at the end of June to get his cycling back on track.
He now has the world championships in Austria next month to look forward to, but Gaze hasn't set himself any career goals at this stage.
"It's still early days. Obviously, with the craziness of corona and everything that has gone on with the Olympics being postponed has changed, and so for now, it's just building myself up and aiming to be the best possible version of an athlete that I can for next season and the Olympic Games, if they go ahead."
"For these upcoming events, I don't have any result-based goals, it's more feeling based."
"I want to race bikes for the right reason. There shouldn't be any difference between the feeling you have as an eight-year-old racing the bike around the house to racing the biggest bike race in the world."
RNZ
