All Blacks prop Karl Tu'inukuafe has revealed how his battle with mental health threatened to derail his rugby career.
On Sunday, Tu'inukuafe was named in Ian Foster's first 35-man squad as head coach, with his recall coming after a bout of meningitis ended his hopes of going to the World Cup last year.
But meningitis quickly became the least of his worries.
"I got sick and then it pretty much changed my whole perspective," Tu'inukuafe tells Newshub.
"Having meningitis, I was actually thinking more about my own family and things off the field."
And Tu'inukuafe's off-field battle was only just beginning. His meningitis diagnosis was taking its toll and his mental health began to suffer.
"Everything that was going on was kind of depressing for me… thinking about it just gets me emotional," says a teary Tu'inukuafe.
Still three months away from making a comeback to rugby, the 27-year-old couldn't even exercise and quickly found himself going backwards.
"They didn't want me to get my heart rate up, so it was pretty hard to get fit again," he says.
Tu'inukuafe credits one person for helping him turn that around - wife Finehika.
"She was always there for me when I was sick and stuff," he says.
And without her, he feels his All Blacks recall would never have happened.
She helped him through his darkest days and made him realise it was okay to struggle, and Tu'inukuafe wants his teammates and fellow players to realise the same.
"There's no shame in opening up and showing emotion. We're all men, we all act like men, but you've just got to be real with yourself."
That mantra certainly worked for Tu'inukuafe and now that he's back, he's keen to make his latest call up a more permanent one.
"Once you get a taste for it, it's just something you always want to keep doing."
Tu'inukuafe's newfound focus on mental health is helping ensure he can.
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