Former All Black Pita Alatini has spoken out his ongoing struggles with alcohol.
The 17-test midfielder is part of Three's Match Fit series, which brings together a group of middle-aged former internationals trying to tackle life challenges past their athletic primes, including issues with weight and mental health.
Now 44, Alatini has maintained his physical conditioning a lot better than some of his cohorts, but reveals the significant part drinking played during his career.
"I grew up in club rugby with my brothers and that was the culture," Alatini says. "It was train hard, play hard, drink hard."
Alatini admits his relationship with alcohol eventually evolved into a misguided support mechanism to help him cope with the inherent pressures of life as an All Black.
"Having the beers in the beginning was just to relax," he says. "But as it went on, if there was disappointment and different things that weren't going accordingly within the camp and such, then the drinking would get control of what I was doing."
The situation came to a head when Alatini was abruptly and unceremoniously dropped from the All Blacks squad in 2001.
A change in the national coaching guard saw Wayne Smith and Tony Gilbert replaced by John Mitchell and Robbie Deans, and Alatini suddenly found himself surplus to requirements.
At the time, Alatini felt he was playing the best rugby of his career. Feeling confused and somewhat betrayed, he dove headfirst into the bottle.
"I felt let down," he says. "I felt like it wasn't explained to me, because I felt I was at the top of my game.
"I just wanted to forget what I was going through, so it was really just bad binge drinking.
"It did become a problem and it's more around when it started to affect my family."
Wife Megan Alatini, who was riding her own wave of fame as a member of pop group True Bliss, could see her husband's struggles with alcohol and feared they were headed down a familiar path.
"I knew that he had some demons that he had to deal with and I knew that he was dealing with it in the wrong fashion, because that was the demise of some really good couples in rugby that we knew and I didn't want that to be us," Megan Alatini says.
"I was trying to be as supportive as I could and steer him in the right direction, but you know what they say - if you're not ready, then you're not ready and you have to take that first step yourself."
Ultimately, Alatini recognised the wide-ranging impact of his drinking and took that crucial step, a process former teammates had - and continue to have - an important hand in.
"Over the last few years, I've really slowed down my drinking and what got me through that transition period was reconnecting with the likes of my ex-All Blacks mates," he smiles.
"To reconnect brings so much joy and it's going to be an awesome journey just to be with these guys."
Made with 'NZ On Air' funding, watch Match Fit over October/November, 7:30pm Tuesdays, or on Three Now.
