Blackcaps legend Chris Cairns admits his recent decline in health has give him a fresh perspective on the legal battles that have plagued his post-cricket career.
Former all-rounder and NZ captain Cairns, 51, is currently confined to a wheelchair, as he recovers from a series of medical issues, including heart complications, a stroke and bowel cancer.
His battle to recover from these setbacks has overshadowed the accusations of match-fixing and perjury that tainted his reputation a decade ago.
In 2012, Cairns successfully sued Indian Premier League commissioner Lalit Modi for libel, after he alleged the Kiwi had fixed matches during 2008. Two years later, the Metropolitan Police charged him with perjury during that trial and Cairns was ultimately acquitted.
During those proceedings, he lost his role as Sky Sport commentator, and former teammates Lou Vincent and Brendon McCullum testified against him, but Cairns has told Between Two Beers podcast his recent struggles have reset his outlook on life.
"I harboured a lot of anger and frustration, but I carried that silently," he said. "I dug my hole in Australia and got on with life, and that's what I did - but I was angry.
"I perhaps wasn't quite so angry 7-8 months ago, but it was still seething in me. Now, after the last seven months, it's so far down my thinking, it's not a priority.
"It seems like another time, another place."
Cairns told Between Two Beers his priorities these days were his Canberra-based family - wife Melanie and five children.
"The one thing I learned going through that process is you can never take anything at face value," he said. "Everybody has a reason for doing something and often you have to look behind what's occurring to find out what that might be.
"For me, where I sit today, I bear no grudges at all. I simply don't have the bandwidth or capacity to look at that at any other way than that was just a part of my life.
"I've had people reach out to me who were perhaps of a different opinion during that time, who have now reached out and said, 'Fuck it, let's forget everything'. Death allows you a different perspective."
