Christchurch-born Wests Tigers hooker Fa'amanu Brown has revealed the overpowering emotional toll of his team's record 72-6 NRL defeat to Sydney Roosters.
The Tigers conceded 12 tries in a result that exclipsed their previous worst loss - 64-0 against Melbourne Storm in 2022 - culminating in frustrated captain James Tamou being sent off for abusing a referee.
The outcome is another setback in a season that has seen the club tumble to the bottom of the competition ladder and sack coach Michael Maguire, introducing a coaching structure that will see championship-winner Tim Sheens return to groom former NZ Kiwis captain Benji Marshall for the future.
But Brown, 27, who moved to Australia as a teen to pursue his league career, has taken to social media to provide an insight into the weight of the defeat on players who were abused by their fans afterwards.
"Last weekend made me realise how hard this game is to play, not just the physical aspect, but the mental side of it too," he said. "It was probably the first time in a long time I felt like there were little cracks into my well-being and mindset.
"People screaming at you, you suck! Voices in my own head doubting my ability, comments saying you’re useless.
"I cried that night, because I let myself and my loved ones down. I think sometimes people forget that athletes are humans as well.
"We work hard to feed our families and strive to be the best person at our job just like every other job in the world.
"On my way to training this morning, I had to reset my mind and my heart. I had to remind myself what I was grateful for today.
"I had to remind myself how far I’ve come. I had to remind myself I am loved.
"I had to remind myself I’m still breathing. Finally, I had to remind myself of my identify, whether I’ve got a footy jumper on or not.
"It all came to me that these obstacles build resilience - it makes you who you are. It’s about how you bounce back.
"Today I choose to get up, I choose to block the noise, I choose to keep doing me and my best."
After a career that saw him debut for Cronulla Sharks as a teenager, move to Canterbury Bulldogs, then spent a year with Featherstone Rovers in the British Championship, Brown has been a breakout performer for Tigers this season.
He came off the interchange for Samoa's 42-12 win over Cook Islands in June and will likely be selected for the World Cup in October/November.
But, like NZ Warriors, Wests' campaign has come apart at the seams, with changes in the wind. The Warriors succumbed 48-4 to North Queensland last weekend, after conceding a record 70-10 loss to Melbourne Storm on Anzac Day.
"It is a pretty difficult time at the moment, we just need to stay connected," said interim Tigers coach Brett Kimmorley.
"I don't know whether some people have tapped out because they are going somewhere else next year or they know there are different coaches coming next year.
"That is just how I feel sitting here as the coach of the Wests Tigers at the moment."
The Tigers complete their season against St George Dragons on Sunday and Canberra Raiders on September 4.
Join us at 8pm Friday for live updates of the Warriors v Penrith Panthers NRL clash
