Whether you're after coffee, cocktails or delicious cuisine, it's hard to match the sheer breadth of what Melbourne's hospitality sector has to offer.
Before starting in journalism, I spent years in Melbourne slinging drinks to the thirsty masses - so when the opportunity arose recently to visit my old hospo haunts as a patron and write about them, I couldn't say no.
Finally the venn diagram of my two careers has become a circle, I thought.
I also wanted to see how the city's nightlife scene recovered from COVID-19. The pandemic hit every sector hard, but globally it has been particularly harrowing for hospitality. I was worried I'd find a much quieter city with many more empty venues than I remembered.
Well, I'm happy to report that the five nights I spent exploring were some of the busiest I've ever seen the city, with established venues overflowing and new ones on every corner - even in the heart of a brutally cold Melbourne winter.
Here are the five spots where I had the most fun on my recent boozy trip down memory lane, each of which I can recommend travellers to the city for very different reasons.
Caretaker's Cottage
On paper, Caretaker's Cottage is a risky proposition: a tiny bar built into a rickety converted cottage next to a church in the CBD. The cramped setting, few staff and a complicated menu sounds like a recipe for long lines, stressed bartenders and uncomfortable patrons.
Fortunately, Caretaker's is so slickly run that all its potential weaknesses are instead strengths. The size makes it feel exclusive and grants an atmosphere with only a few guests, meanwhile the combination of drinks and attentive yet brisk service will blow your socks off.
As you might expect given its size, you're unlikely to walk straight in anytime you visit. When I arrived with two friends at 9pm on a Friday, we were perched outside on a stone step while waiting for a table. But despite being off their feet, servers were always on hand, ready with a laugh and a suggestion for what to try. By the time we were seated inside I was already sold.
The menu changes monthly but if you get a chance to try their 'Painkiller' you owe it to yourself.
Even if you end up awkwardly perched on a step outside, you'll likely get better drinks and service than you will at many other venues.
HER
One of the best things about Melbourne hospitality is how dense it is. A single street is like a Russian nesting doll of booze and food, as there's always another, smaller venue to find inside each one you enter. HER is a perfect example: four venues with four unique offers in the same building.
HER Bar on street level combines a french inspired food offering with a solid classic cocktail list - spicy margarita being a highlight. At the other end of the building, HER Rooftop offers a faster pace, a view of the CBD and cocktails on tap.
For those wanting a quick bite in between drinks, there's BKK, a bustling Thai canteen pumping out street food. However, HER's highlight is undoubtedly the Music Room; an incredibly stylish, intimate music venue designed to feel like you're standing inside a giant speaker.
Some might raise an eyebrow at HER Bar's insistence that servers don't deviate from their menu to make drinks - if you ask for an off menu classic you could be politely refused. It's a bold move but they make up for it by making the drinks they do serve impeccably.
1806
Now here's a bar that will make you any classic cocktail you please using whatever liquor you like. For me, 1806 is a quintessential cocktail venue: suspender-clad bar staff, dark leather couches, soft lighting and an intimidating wall of alcohol.
That's not to say they're only doing the standards well. 1806 cleverly divides into a main bar and a more experimental 'Understudy' downstairs for concoctions using lesser known spirits.
Whether you want a perfect daiquiri or something far more adventurous, 1806 is a safe bet for excellent drinks made well. Personally, I ordered a Zombie, which will turn you into its namesake and is served on fire, so I don't recommend drinking many if you have anything else planned for your evening.
But for those of you who are kicking on, there's one iconic spot you should head next.
Black Pearl
A stalwart of Brunswick street, the Black Pearl has been an institution in the Fitzroy district for over two decades and once you spend a night there it's easy to realize why.
The Black Pearl manages a balance of being both a place you could bring a first date to impress them or a place you could absolutely ruin your life on a huge weekend. It's a classy venue streaked with the sly suggestion that now is a good time to misbehave.
Those after more class will find it upstairs in the more exclusive, table service only Attic Bar. For those wanting to cut loose, downstairs is a more relaxed combo of beverages and banter with the potential for things to get rowdy as the night kicks on.
Wherever you end up at the Pearl and whatever you're drinking, you'll have a good time, whether or not you remember it.
Marquis of Lorne
Sometimes after a long week you aren't after a lovingly-crafted cocktail or a slickly-dressed bartender telling you the difference between Spanish and English rum.
Sometimes, you just want someone to pour you a pint, give you food and leave you alone. Enter the pub's pub, the Marquis of Lorne, also found in Fitzroy. It's the pub other pubs would go to if they themselves were capable of being hungover.
There's a fireplace in the corner, there's always someone with good chat behind the bar, and there's a fish burger on the menu that will change your life. I don't know what else to tell you.
This is the bar equivalent of a hug from your dad: comfortable, familiar and it makes you feel everything is going to be okay when you feel very bad about who you are and what you're like.
